With a tantric massage, regular massage rules do not apply and you can ask for a happy ending without fear of being blacklisted or chased out of the room. This is where you can be guaranteed that your massage will conclude with a happy ending. However, it’s worth noting that it can be risky to go to an erotic massage parlour in London. Here, in my experience, you have a 60% chance of success. Well-known for having looser rules than traditional massage establishments, the Asian massage parlours the likes of which you see in Soho are far more likely to acquiesce to a cheeky request for a little something extra. Here I estimate you have a 30% chance of happiness. A regular masseuse will know that people come to them with a glint in their eye and some extra cash in their wallet, and they may be keen to bend the rules a little bit by giving you a hand. But, obviously, it will depend on the particular masseuse and your ability to charm them. Here, you may be more likely to be on holiday, the mood may be more relaxed rather than professional, and you may therefore be in with more of a chance. You have roughly a 1% chance of getting what you’re after, I’m afraid. Unless you have reason to think otherwise, the numbers will not be in your favour in this scenario and you will be taking quite the risk by popping the question. It would take a pretty open-minded physical therapist to be happy to conclude a regular session with a handjob, however graciously it is requested. There are places where you are far more likely to be escorted off the premises than given a handjob, so here are a few bits of advice on the establishments that might be more or less happy-ending-friendly than others. This is where you take things into your own hands, as it were, even though hopefully it will be someone else taking things into their hands. Now that you’re equipped with tips from an expert – arguably the world’s leading expert on the subject – you’re probably wondering where you can go to get a coveted happy ending. You want to come across as far cooler than this.
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Instead, it will be a sign that you have crossed a line and don’t know how to behave in this situation. The sight of you humping the table or thin air isn’t likely to make anyone feel more warmly towards you. The only way things will go your way is if you conduct yourself with a little decorum and handle your emotions like an adult. They will either get the message and give you exactly what you want or ignore the implication if it has made them feel awkward.ĭon’t get so horny that you start humping the table. Instead, tell them that you are able to tip generously if they make you happy. If the massage is entirely towel-free, your chances are looking pretty good.ĭon’t suddenly turn onto your back and make the masseuse uncomfortable by pointing at your erection (if you’re lucky enough to have got one by that point). Ask if you need to have the towel over you or not you can be led by the responses you get. Ask how relaxed you’ll be by the end of the massage if your masseuse says “Completely relaxed” and you pick up a sense of euphemism in their voice, you may be on to something. If they want you to touch them, they will tell you. You should always be guided by their signals and wait for confirmation from them that something is all right. Being non-consensually touched by a complete stranger can be extremely intimidating for them and doing something so forward is a bad idea. Always carry extra cash if and when the time comes (and you come shortly after). It could be as little as £20 or as much as £100 and will depend on how generous you’re feeling at the time. Obviously, you can’t expect the happy ending to be part and parcel of the massage unless you have agreed on it in advance. If you are offered a happy ending, it will always cost a little more, unless you’re dealing with someone with incredibly bad business skills. Instead, treat it like any other social encounter: get a sense of how it’s going and only ask at the end if you’re confident that your masseuse a) won’t feel uncomfortable and b) isn’t a relative of yours. They may well say no, and the rest of the massage will consequently be more awkward than a DJ set by Theresa May. If it’s a regular massage parlour, don’t start by asking the therapist if it’s OK for them to give you a happy ending. Don’t Explicitly Ask For A Happy Ending.There are various rules that you need to be aware of before you shove open the doors of your nearest massage parlour and demand that they make you orgasm.
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